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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Poly what?

Poly what?
Polyamory.
Yep, that’s what I’m going to write about here.
This being my first post I should probably introduce myself.

Poly started for me when I was about 15 yrs old and found myself on a date with 6 girls. Although it was a bit of an accident I didn’t really feel I had done anything wrong. I cared about each of the girls and had different relationships with each of them. Some of them felt as I did and things were okay. Some were understandably upset since, being raised monogamously, I didn’t quite do things right. (I learned a lot about honesty in relationships from this.) And some of them wanted to redefine our relationship afterwards, again understandably.

Through High School I explored different relationship types. Open relationships, monogamy, and even the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell relationship model. Like most everyone else, some worked and some didn’t. One common theme I noticed however was that it was rare for my relationships to end with anger or without a remaining friendship.

After High School as my friends were all getting married and having babies I tried to fit into the monogamy mold. I married monogamously and had two wonderful children. For over 10 years I struggled to fit into the expectations society places on a monogamous marriage. Though the marriage eventually failed it was due more too personal differences than my interest in a different lifestyle.

The result was that I took a look at my life, my desires, and my beliefs and realized I wasn’t living my life true to myself. I evaluated the type of relationships I had been having and what had gone wrong with them. That was when I found that not only was there a word for the type of relationships I had always believed could exist and had experienced, but there were people happily living them all over the world. I realized I was polyamorous and always had been.

Years later I’ve had many poly relationships of different varieties that I consider successful. Successful because they each ended with maturity and the knowledge that either our ideas of relationships didn’t fit together or we had grown as much as we could together and could only grow more without each other.

As of this writing I’m very much enjoying exploring a relationship with a loving woman who is new to the poly world. We are taking things slowly and though we have both explored other relationships since we have been together, there have been none that truly fit the life we envision. But neither of us is in a hurry and we are happy to take the time to make sure any new relationships will be a fit with our long-term goals.

What I will be writing about here are the things I’ve learned about relationships, the mistakes I have made, and both the joys and failures of the future. Sometimes I may stray and write about things that really don’t have much to do with polyamory. And as I can I will explore other relationship styles in addition to polyamory.

I hope you find my writings enjoyable, and I hope you will join me in discussion. In no way do I want to lecture anyone, I would much prefer a dialogue where we all learn from one another. I will be wrong sometimes, and you will be wrong sometimes. And sometimes, nobody will be wrong and we will all still learn. I hope you come back and are as interested in relationship discussions as I am.

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