As usual, it was a conversation with someone that got my brain to working. It went something like this. . .
Them: "So do you have a girlfriend"
"Yep, but I’m poly"
"Polyamorous. As in someone who has multiple loves."
"So you have more than one girlfriend?"
"Nope, just one right now. But I could have more."
"Well you aren't poly then! You are monogamous! Duh!"
At which point my brain said "You are accidentally monogamous!"
Being someone with a tendency to blurt things, of course that was what I said. The result was more of a Twilight Zone conversation than I could put down here, so I won't.
But the whole "Accidental Monogamist" idea really stuck in my head for a while. Over the years I've even heard a few related comments like "There is no such thing as a single poly!" or "How can you be single and be poly?" or my favorite "You are poly and you are single? What the hell is wrong with you? You can sleep with anyone you want!"
But I think there is another kind of accidental monogamy when you are a polyamorist. It is that thing that happens when you and your SO end up with only one another for a while. It isn't by design, it just happens. Before you know it though, you are essentially monogamous. You plan all your time together and aren't even really looking for OSO's any longer. And when one day one of you does find a new OSO, you realize feelings of jealousy or ownership. Suddenly, poly isn't looking so attractive anymore.
You have become an Accidental Monogamist.
Most likely things will be okay after some struggling with emotions. It isn't like you hadn't been there before, right?
So my questions of the day are. . . .
-Is it possible to be a single poly? Personally I don't see anything wrong with being a single poly so I not only believe it is possible, I think sometimes it is preferable.
-If you call yourself poly but aren't dating anyone, are you still poly? I think so since it is a feeling or state of mind. That would be like saying "I am male." but since nobody is looking down my pants, maybe I'm not?
-Have you ever ended up accidentally monogamous? Is that a bad thing? How did you shift back to poly after accidental monogamy, or did it just come naturally?