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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sex Addict?

Let me start off by saying I'm not much of a sports fan at all. I watch and participate regularly in no sports. If you named famous sports figures I doubt I could tell you what sport most of them play. But lately Tiger Woods has gotten my attention. Though I haven't followed every news story, nor do I know what effect his personal life is or will have on his career, I do find recent events quite interesting.

Apparently Tiger was sleeping with more than a few women without his wife knowing. Or at least that is what we are all assuming. Since none of us are a part of their relationship we don't really know for sure. Though from her actions it would appear she didn't know what was going on and is more than a little upset.

Assuming Tiger and his wife were in a mutually understood monogamous relationship that prohibited physical relationships with others then what Tiger did was wrong. With some assumptions, it would mean he was lying to his wife and cheating on her with other women. From things we have heard in the news from his mistresses, he was somehow lying to them as well. This is where I think things get interesting.

Is Tiger the first guy to cheat on his wife? Nope. Is it only men who cheat on women? Nope. So why is he being crucified by the public? Really it is a matter between him and his wife. Okay, and maybe the mistresses as well. But why is the public so focused on Tiger? Is it because he was assumed to be a role model? Surely it isn't because what he did was shocking. We all know someone who has either cheated or been cheated on, that's nothing new.

He was lying to his mistresses? Sure, maybe he was telling them he would leave his wife for them. Or they were the only one he was sleeping with. Now they are angry and demanding apologies from Tiger. Wait a second. They all knew he was married! Shouldn't THEY be apologizing to his wife and kids? To the mistresses: Come on ladies, how stupid are you? You can blame it on being 'in love' and say Tiger is a 'wonderful manipulator' but seriously, he is a famous figure and it is more than easy to find out he is married with children. You knew exactly what you were getting when you hopped on the Tiger-Train and don't deserve an apology from anyone for anything in which you willingly participated.

We have also heard that Tiger may be getting treatment for sex addiction. Assuming that is true, then the man has a disease. Again, why is he being crucified for having a disease? We give famous actors and actresses a free pass every day on their drug and alcohol addictions. If it is a disease it really wasn't his fault, right? We don't get mad at our children for catching a cold, it wasn't their fault. So why is his wife and mistresses angry with Tiger if he has a disease? Maybe because we (society) have a hard time believing that Sex Addiction is a legitimate disease?

Now for my theory; Tiger is actually poly, he just doesn't realize it. Probably raised with monogamy as the commonly accepted relationship design, he may not know about Polyamory. And as sometimes happens, those who struggle with monogamy do things wrong when they try a different path. Instead of going to his wife and asking for an open relationship, explaining his desires and needs, he cheated on her. Something that is probably more common than polyamory and better understood by many people. And instead of telling his mistresses the truth, he probably lied to them as well, trying to justify his needs. Maybe Tiger was simply a traditional monogamist learning how to be a Polyamorist and making some mistakes along the way.

Sounds good right? No, not really. I'm only being half-serious about this. I really have no clue if Tiger is polyamorous or even could be. And really, I don't much care either way. What I found interesting with his story was the social reaction. What I've tried to do here is present a different perspective leading up to a very simple question. . .

What would have happened if instead of renouncing his actions and apparently seeking help for a disease Tiger would have said, "I enjoy sex. And I enjoy having sex with different partners. I don't apologize for my sexual desires, nor will I try to inhibit them, but I do apologize for how I have fulfilled them. What I will do in the future is be open and honest with my partners about my lifestyle."

Dear reader, serving as 'the public' here, let me know what you think. What would the public reaction have been if Tiger had taken the approach I suggest above?


  1. I would like to address the topic of Tiger Woods from my own perspective.

    First, why did the news media need to take up all of the valuable world news events coverage time to make continuous reports about Tiger Woods? In an open, honest, loving, and evolved society, information about Woods would have been irrelevant compared to international news reports.

    And why would big-name sponsors, who endorse famous athletes, come to ignore and punish Woods? Although I do not have proof, it is common knowledge that these wealthy sponsors provide people like Woods with every imaginable type of sexual favor. As a perk to clients like Woods, a sponsor will learn the sexual flavor of a star and provide that person with every form of sexual smorgasbord in that realm. When we buy endorsed shoes, sunglasses, jackets, limited edition SUVs, we also pay for sexual favors for these god-like stars. In fact, when we make a purchase of a star-endorsed product, we are making a contribution to that person's sexual fantasy.

    Shame on our collective consciousness to feel a need to punish someone like Woods instead of facing our own sexual fears. We are the addicted.

    Why is Tiger Woods being turned into a sex-addict? He likes sex. Who doesn't like sex? He has power, fame, and wealth. With that bundle, sex comes easily. Why are we collectively acting like this is a big secret?

    If Tiger Woods, his wife, and our society would come out and admit that we are all capable of loving and sexually involving ourselves with more than one person, the great expense of heartbreak, damage control, loss of swinging time, and a reputation would not have been at issue here.

    I would like to beg Tiger Woods to come clean and be honest with us. Tell us that you and your wife had an open relationship; at least tell us that you were allowed to have sex with others on the road. Tell us that you had an agreement. Tiger Woods, tell us, give us lists of all of the sponsors who provided you with sexual favors, services, and companionship. Woods, tell us that you are not an addict. Tell us to mind our own business. Tell us to get a life. Tell us to open our hearts and quit being addicted to judging others.

  2. Kameshwari,
    Nicely stated perspective! I agree completely with your statement about being afraid to face our own collective fears.

    Thanks for your comments :)