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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Are you interested?


For this article I thought I would change things up a bit. So instead of Polyamory let’s talk about something else. After all keeping you, dear reader, interested is what it is all about. Right?

So let’s talk about keeping people interested. Specifically, keeping your loves interested. For ease of writing this article I’m going to take a male perspective for a while. I’ll save the tips for the ladies for another article. (Did that generate interest?)

These days’ guys, it is sometimes easy to forget your woman is a woman. Sometimes opening the door for a woman is met with a less than appreciative look. Women strive for equal pay and employment. We hear constantly about discrimination and harassment forcing men to treat women more often and in more ways differently. Even our households have changed. The days of a woman staying home to care for the kids while the man works are mostly gone. It is more common for both people to be working and the kids in daycare. Or even for the man to be staying at home while the woman works. I could go on and on but I hope you are seeing my point. I don’t begrudge the advances made in equalizing the sexes in the least but I do think it has slightly changed the landscape between them in unintended ways.

It is easy these days to look at your partner as an equal. To see them as someone who you expect to contribute equally to the household finances, household chores. Someone to accept equal responsibility. Once that happens maybe it becomes easier to expect that same equality in other areas. Maybe the woman can mow the lawn or change the oil on the car while the man washes dishes or mops the floor. So what happens when the happy couple we have been discussing crawls into bed at night? Should the man who was possibly the intimacy initiator in the past now expect that due to equality the woman should initiate? In the past maybe there was the thought that the man had worked all day and deserved comfort and attention from his wife but now with equality, should she expect the same? Or maybe, if they have both worked hard during the day, neither is more deserving?

Guys, this is where I want you to take a deep breath and stop thinking for just a minute.

I have led you down the wrong path to make a point. If you agreed with me up to this point you are in trouble. You are on your way to forgetting that the woman in your life is just that, a woman. Yes, she desires equality and respect. Even more, she deserves it. But most likely she also likes to be held and comforted. She may enjoy bubble baths and silky soft sheets. She probably likes the toilet seat down and the house to smell good. She may enjoy or even crave chocolate and wants to have a good meal once in a while that she doesn’t have to cook herself. Sometimes, maybe not all the time, she wants to feel like a woman. Not an equal.

Now let’s get to the meat of the thing. When a woman wants to feel like a woman, her man needs to act like a man. Forget about the equality guys. Forget about equal responsibility. Forget the last time she snipped at you and said “I can do that myself!” Treat her like the beautiful, sexy woman you desire.

You know those flowers in your yard? Yeah, the ones that look like weeds to you and you have no idea where they came from. Take 5 minutes out of your busy life, a pair of scissors, and go snip some off. Not all of them, just a few. Wrap them in newspaper and take them to your girl when you go see her.

Next time you stop in the convenience store for that 6-pack of Bud Light stop by the candy section and grab some chocolate. (No, not the cheap stuff, something decent). When you get home hide it in the pantry. Next time your sweetie makes a comment about how she is craving chocolate, give her the candy you bought. You will be her hero. Or even just give her a big kiss and the candy and let her know you were thinking about her.

Want something bigger, then use your brain and figure it out.

Here is something I tried recently. Tell your sweetie to go take a long hot shower and enjoy herself. While she is in there, grab the mattress off that single bed in the spare bedroom and drag it down in front of the fireplace. Get a nice fire going, nothing big just comfy. Take some of the votive candles lying around the house (you do have candles, right?) light them and set a few around the fireplace area. Maybe open a bottle of wine and have it nearby with some glasses. Don’t forget to toss the softest blanket (or two) you can find on the mattress. Setup should only take a few minutes. Now turn off the lights and go get your girl from the shower. Lead her down to the romantic spot you have created. Now this is important, get sex out of your head right now! You didn’t do this to ‘get some’ (though if that happens, yay for you!) you did it to pamper your girl and show her you want to spend time with her. Maybe all you will do is watch the fire and talk, maybe more will happen. Either way she is going to remember it, and so will you. And when you are done, clean up your mess! Do not let her do it! This was your idea, you clean up. Let her help if she offers but don’t just leave it for her, trust me on that one.

Want something crazier? Got a secluded spot in your backyard? Wait for a nice warm night and stay up a bit late with your girl. Flirt with her a bit; maybe have a drink to get relaxed. Then grab a blanket and take her out to that secluded spot. If she is a bit shy, take two blankets. One for underneath and one for cover. Enjoy the night air and have fun!

Those are just a few ideas and things I have tried. They may or may not work for you because every woman is different and has different ideas about romance and how her man can show he cares. My point is, treat her like a woman once in a while. You don’t have to go crazy, and you don’t have to try and be Mr. Romantic with a new idea every Saturday night. Maybe once a month, or every couple of months try to come up with something. And keep it simple. Don’t try to create results with a specific outcome, just try to create a nice setting. And don’t try to shower her with gifts like buying her chocolates or a gift every single time you stop at a store. That will get old real fast. Just once in a while, something thoughtful to let her know you think about her AS A WOMAN.

What you are doing gentlemen is keeping your sweetie interested.

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