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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Poly toys for boys!

This article really isn't about Polyamory. It will also probably be full of raunchy humor, sarcasm, and gender generalities. I may even stick my tongue out at you, roll my eyes, and say "whatever" repeatedly.There, you have been warned. Continue reading at your own risk!

Oh, and for those of you still reading but wondering why that paragraph above is even there, it is because this is a Poly blog. And I hate it when I go to a topic specific site or blog and they are talking about something completely unrelated. Hence the disclaimer above. I at least try to save people from reading an entire article before they realize it wasn't on topic.

Now, to the fun and games. Sex toy discrimination! It is rampant, widespread, and shows no signs of stopping. The end of the world could be near. I believe those are the clapping hooves of the four horsemen's' steeds I hear!

We have all heard the jokes; Men think about sex every six seconds or something ridiculous like that whereas women only think about it every 40 seconds. Or jokes about how men are perpetually horny. Men will sleep with anything, anytime, anywhere. Men are a bunch of dirty animals who want nothing more than to stick their . . . . .oops. Sorry, got a bit excited there. I think you get the point. All joking aside, most people believe men (particularly when younger) are hornier than women.

So the $100,000 question of the day is; Why do sex toys for women outnumber sex toys for men 2 to 1?

With my own highly scientific method of statistical examination and extrapolation quantified by blah blah blah I went to a popular unnamed site and looked through their online catalog. Excluding porn flicks, condoms, lubricants, stimulating creams for either sex, and clothing, because honestly I don't know which sex those are targeting, I counted the number of gender specific sex toys. The results. . . . . Toys for women outnumber those for men by 2.3 to 1.

That actually didn't surprise me much. I had realized already that there seemed to be a lot of 'insertables' in toy catalogs. Being a guy who doesn't mind some stiff competition (insert laugh track here) it never bothered me. But I also hadn't thought about it much. But once I did, I thought about things I hear frequently from women, "Men are the ones designing sex toys, just like bra's, and they don't know what women want. They just think bigger is better." or "That thing is huge. It must have been invented by a man."

Wait a minute. Men are the hornier of the two sexes. Men are the ones inventing sex toys. And they are inventing women's toys instead of men's at the rate of 2.3 to 1? Nope. Something doesn't compute. For the first two statements to be true; men are hornier and are the ones inventing the toys, then my highly scientific results are flawed.

So I randomly picked two more websites that sell toys and once again counted. The results. . . . . Toys for women outnumbered those for men 3 to 1!!

Further quantifying the findings is that if men were designing sex toys why would they design so many for women? Seriously, who knows what a guy wants better than a guy? And if he has the ability to design a toy for a woman wouldn't he also be capable of designing one for himself? Why would they be spending so much time on toys for women when they could be making toys for themselves?!

That calls into question the two statements; Men are the hornier of the two sexes, and men are the ones designing sex toys.

Well, the actual number of toys I can somewhat quantify because I can count them. But I can't positively state men are the hornier of the sexes. And though I could probably prove or disprove men are the ones designing sex toys, I'm not going to. I'm busy writing, and now that I'm thinking about sex toys once this article is done I am going to. . . . . . . Take a cold shower.

Further complicating things was something I noticed a lot on the toy ads: ". . . small enough to fit in your purse" and some even disguised as lipstick.

That doesn't make any sense either. If guys were designing toys they might be small but they would come in a carrying case with the logo emblazed on the side. Maybe a picture too. Think about it; golf clubs have big bags, guns have big cases, big sports duffel bags, briefcases, etc, etc. When guys have something cool they put it in a big bag or case and carry it around proudly so everyone else will know what they have. And if the thing won't fit in a bag they buy a pickup truck, put the thing in the back and drive it around so everyone can see it.Ladies, if guys had their way your vibe would come in a hard sided case the size of a steamer trunk on golf bag type wheels with lights, a stereo system, a beer tap on the side, and the logo in flashing neon.

And if you don't buy that, then believe this; there isn't a guy out there who wants you to hide your vibe discreetly in your purse so you can take it to the ladies room with you at break time. We want to know you are using that sucker in the hopes we can listen, watch, help, or the batteries will die while we are standing there.
Remember, we are horny all the time.

Ok, I could go on and on but my sides are hurting from laughing so hard so I'll wrap this up. Despite all the humor here, crass and more refined (if there is any), I seriously wonder why toys for women outnumber those for men. Maybe women like to masturbate more than men? Hmm.

Any ideas? Is there a piece of data I'm missing here, or something I overlooked? What do you think, why the disparity in the numbers? Should I be institutionalized for wondering about such things? Tell me your thoughts. The good, the bad, the sarcastic, the discount coupon codes for great shopping sites. Comment and be heard!


  1. Toys. I only own a wand and a marble egg. They are used for strengthening exercises, of course.

    Why are there more toys for women than for men? Maybe because women like variety. There are more than one or two ways to pleasure a woman. What works for a particular woman this morning, just won't do it after lunch. Maybe it is men's frustration with the varieties of methods to please women that have them inventing all sorts of play gadgets to keep a woman amused. Could it be possible that a man finds relief with the satisfaction of knowing that by designing, marketing, and selling an interesting femme play gadget, he is somehow pleasing some woman, somewhere in time and space?

  2. Kameshwari,

    Strengthening exercises, of course. The same with all the stuff in my toy drawer!

    I think you may have a point about variety. Although, there are more than a couple of ways to please a man as well. Personally I enjoy several different types of stimulation.

    Interesting theory about a man finding relief and satisfaction designing toys for women. If I ever get the opportunity to ask a toy designer, 'why' is going to be at the top of the list!