Ask Polyamory Paradigm

Check out my new question and answer blog!

Monday, August 16, 2010

I'd like to ask you out on a date. . .

I had something really interesting happen to me the other day. Lucy, my sweetie, and I were out to an early dinner at a local restaurant when Lucy took a liking to our waitress. While the waitress was gone Lucy mentioned she found the woman attractive and would like to take her out sometime. I told her I thought that was a great idea!

Waiting for our drinks we chatted about our differences when it came to physical attraction. Lucy found our waitress quite attractive whereas I found her only mildly interesting. I was also curious how Lucy knew that the woman would be interested in dating another woman. To my surprise Lucy didn't know but thought a beaming smile from the waitress and eye contact might be a good indication. There was also some talk about the proper way to ask your waitress out along with Lucy's fear that if the woman was offended by a proposal our food could be damaged in some way.

We finally ordered and due to other employees in the vicinity as well as our waitress coming back to us frequently we didn't have much more conversation about the situation. Being aware of how it might look were Lucy to ask the woman on a date with me sitting there I planned to step outside after we had paid for our meal, giving Lucy some privacy to talk to our waitress.

As she often does, Lucy surprised the hell out of me and asked the woman on a date when she returned with our receipt. Being surprised I did nothing but sit there with a big dumb grin on my face. The woman was polite and Lucy's phone number was provided so we'll see what happens.

After leaving the restaurant though I expressed my surprise to Lucy, as well as some mild concern that the woman may have gotten the wrong impression with me sitting there. Lucy explained she had chosen her words carefully to try and make it clear she was asking the woman on a date, not just to go out as friends. I agreed, her words were quite clear that she wanted a date with the woman. My concern was that by my being there the woman might think Lucy was trying to attract her as a partner for us both. Lucy's point was that because she asked the woman out in front of me her assumption was most likely that Lucy and I were just friends and didn't have any type of physical relationship. At the same time it probably implied that Lucy was female, not male, oriented.

So I'm curious; if you were the waitress what would you have thought?


  1. Fist, I'd have been very flattered, and yes, if the waitress wasn't aware of the poly lifestyle, she probably would have thought you and Lucy were "just friends", brother/sister, or in some platonic relationship.

  2. Pym,

    Thanks for the comment!
    I'm glad to hear that my assumptions may have been wrong :)