Thursday, September 9, 2010
Being poly can be a lot of fun. It is nice to have the variety of multiple partners. Both those with which you may have a physical relationship, and those you don't. Being able to love without inhibition is very freeing. The knowledge that someone is with you because they want to be with you is comforting and reassuring.
There is also a physical aspect to polyamory that can be incredibly fulfilling. Although I don't think it should ever be the primary reason for being poly, I don't think it should be ignored either. It is wonderful to have the variety of different sexual partners. Let's be blunt; some people do things that other people won't. And sometimes, they just do things in a different yet exciting way. For men, who often have a bit of ego surrounding sexual prowess, having multiple partners can be fulfilling for different reasons. Since I can't speak well to the female perspective I'm not going to try. This one is for the boys.
But, I'm sorry guys, the sex talk is over. Yes, you're a stud. Yes, you are special because unlike monogamous men you can please multiple women. You are suave and silky smooth and all the other guys want to be you. Are we done with that part of things now? (P.S. for those serious folks among you, that was a joke so don't start flaming me, okay?).
Now that your ego is fully stroked we'll get to business. Step up guys. Being good in bed is only part of things. So you have slept with a woman but, do you want to keep her happy? Then get your mind out from between the sheets.
While you are at it, change the sheets.
Yep, you heard me right, change the sheets stud.
Something a lot of guys don't understand is that most women aren't interested in sleeping on the same sheets you last slept on with another partner. It is okay to not understand why women feel that way but it doesn't mean you don't have to respect the feeling. Change the sheets!!
I'm talking about taking responsibility. I'm talking about maintaining your life in a way that makes each of your partners feel valuable and special. So let's run through a quick, not comprehensive or perfect, list of things you can do to respect each of your partners:
-Change the sheets!! Did I mention that one already?
-While you are changing the sheets, change the towels too. You aren't interested in using some other guys towel are you?
-Did you remember the washcloths while you were changing the towels?
-Does one of your partners have a brush, toothbrush, makeup, etc. sitting around on the counter? Think about putting those things in the cabinet under the sink when your other partner is over.
-What about barrettes, hair ties, or hair clips laying around? Find a drawer.
-While we are at it, are there a pair of panties or a bra in an interesting location? Add them to the drawer.
-Though it may sound silly; what about a cup? Keys? Day planner or phone? Explaining one of those things casually at the wrong time could potentially ruin a moment.
By now you should be getting the idea. Look around objectively and tidy up anything that might make your date or partner feel uncomfortable or that could cause the wrong conversation at the right moment.
Is all of this something you have to do? Of course not. And do you have to do everything I've mentioned every time one of your partners comes over? Nope. And maybe your partners will notice and tell you they don't care if they see the other persons stuff. But what it does do is show some respect. It lets them know that you are focused on them and on making them comfortable. It also helps keep the focus on the two of you rather than on your other partner who isn't even present at the time.
Now it is time for the disclaimer. You are openly poly, right? The person coming over knows about your lifestyle and other potential partners, right? So really none of the things I mentioned above really should be any surprise to them if they are seen or found, right? You could just leave those things out, not worry about it, and deal with any conversations that come up. No big deal. I'm not saying you have to hide things to hide your other partners. I'm not talking about being secretive or trying to conceal your other relationships. I'm simply saying that there are some women out there who will appreciate the effort guys. Maybe this concept even applies to the girls. And of course if you are openly living with a partner a lot of this probably doesn't matter much anyway.
What do you think? Is what I suggest going to far? Is it unnecessary? Would you appreciate the effort or does it not matter to you? And, does this apply to the ladies or mainly to the guys?
And what about things I've missed? Are you already doing this and if so, what things do you do to make your date or partner feel comfortable?