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Thursday, September 30, 2010

What did I do now?


For this post I want to do something a bit different. I want to hear from you about anything poly related you would like to discuss, share, or complain about. What I'm looking for are ideas or advice on things to avoid or focus on. What mistakes have you made on your poly path? What are your regrets?

Usually I write an article on a topic and ask for your input. This time, I would like for you to pick a topic and get things started. To give you some ideas I'll start off with a few things.

Like anyone I've made a few mistakes in my life. Probably the biggest mistake I've made on my path with polyamory was trying to be monogamously married. I think I did a fair job at it but a lot of the time I felt something in my life was missing. I felt like I was being caged even though I knew I was trying to live up to a commitment I had made. Of course I wouldn't trade my kids for the world so not everything about it was bad. And I also learned that to make myself happy I can't deny who I am. At least at this point in my life I can't imagine being monogamously married again.

If I were limited to one piece of advice to give someone about polyamory it would be to communicate. Talk about anything and everything with your potential loves. And once they become your partner continue to talk. I have experienced many times how honest, open communication has either avoided or solved problems that could have easily grown to destroy a relationship. Over and over I have seen how a small misunderstanding can become a huge explosion but is avoided by communication early and often when a problem is first noticed. There are plenty of jokes about poly folks being so busy talking they never get to the relationship (or the sex) and therein lies some truth. But what you don't hear about often is the people who talk and talk having a huge relationship explosion over a simple communication problem.

So there are a couple of topics you could talk about but feel free to bring up anything you like. Ask for advice if you choose, or say you don't want advice, either way is fine. Or maybe just give some advice. Quote an article you found interesting, post your favorite poly joke, or tell us about a happy poly moment.

We are all here reading for some reason and by being poly, part of a community, so share with us!

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