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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Polyamory makes everything okay!

Somehow I ran across this CraigsList ad the other day:

Free bdrm for Polyamory Female (las vegas)

Date: 2010-11-08, 5:30AM PST
Reply to: see below


The title says it all so call if this is for U ladies for appointment to live in a 5000sqft luxury home.

Seriously? Maybe I'm reading a bit much into the ad but to me it says "If some hot chick wants to have sex with me she can live in my huge beautiful house rent free because I'm wealthy. She can even have other boyfriends if she wants."

Am I reading to much into it? Okay fine, maybe what it really means is, "I think poly people rock so I really want to help some poor poly girl with a free place to live since I'm wealthy. And knowing she is poly she is welcome to have other guys come over whenever she wants and of course I won't want a relationship with her at all."

Ya right. This is some poor schmuck who can't figure out how to get a girlfriend and figures that maybe if he lets one live in his house free, and lets her know she can still date other men, that she will take him up on the offer and he might get lucky. That or maybe he is a player and wants a live in playtoy while he dates other women too. Either way the ad screams "desperation" to me.

What I guess I'm really curious about though is whether there are women out there who would ever answer such an ad. To me it seems shady and sleazy on the surface, potentially dangerous and destructive underneath. Personally I can think of a lot of other ways of finding a relationship, or just sex, before responding to an ad like that.

Something else it says to me is that there is an opinion out there in the ether, hopefully not widespread, that poly women are "easy". Heck, just tell one she can have free room and board and she will be your partner right? I really don't think that is a prevalent opinion, and I hope it never is. I know the poly women I hang around with wouldn't fall into the "easy" category by a long shot.

What do you think of that ad? Am I reading it wrong?

If nothing else I hope it gives you a chuckle like it did me!


  1. I think you're reading it correctly -- and I saw other ads that were similar when I was looking for housing in San Francisco not so long ago. One was QUITE explicit about the "trade" of sex/relationship for room & board, and the guy also made it pretty clear that the woman would be expected to be "friendly" to his other friends that would be visiting the apartment regularly. Yikes!

    -crys (

  2. While living in California, I regularly came across these types of ads on Craig's List. The associated photos in the ads usually showed a large home in the background and a geeky man standing next to a converible sportscar in a driveway of a well-manicured property in the La Jolla or Riverside areas.

    Sometimes I have a reaction of disgust. Sometimes I felt pity on the person making a request, since this appears to be a person's attempt at meeting women. Once I thought of reporting the ad, which had too much dialog about the living-arrangement terms. In that ad, I thought that the subliminal text implied that the women who make the living arrangement might be requested to sleep with other men, for money.

    In response to one of your last paragraphs, I have experience that people make the assumption that poly women are "easy". Ever since I came out as "poly" on internet sites, I receive suggestions by men that we can have a "discreet" relationship. In my opinion, there are a lot of men who throw out a trolling line in every kind of waters that come open to them. Sometimes, they might get lucking and reel-in some kind of a catch.

    I agree with how you read and interpreted the Free Bedroom for Poly Female ad.

    This is a topic that is worth a laugh, even though I feel pity for the pathetic dudes that post these ads.

  3. Crysleh and Kameshwari,

    Thank you both for the comments!

    I feel like sometimes I live in a bubble or something. I've not seen ads like that before or I guess if I did, I never took them seriously. I wonder if they are even real ads or just some scam or trolling type of thing.

    Kameshwari, that you get offers for discreet sex doesn't surprise me a bit. I have had partners who identified as single (due to lack of other site options) on dating sites and got proposals all the time. One of my partners is a bi-female who states specifically she is only looking for women and still gets proposals from men for all types of relationships. I think you are right, there are some guys who go "trolling" with any kind of lure they can imagine hoping to get a strike. And actually, I can understand them doing so. It seems like women are quite popular on internet dating sites whereas men can send tons of e-mails and messages and hardly get a reply. For guys it turns into an odds equation and the more women you can contact the better your odds. Sad, but true in my experience. It is also the reason I don't put much effort into internet dating sites or expect much from them.

    Thank you both for confirming that I was in fact reading that ad correctly and that ads like that aren't as unusual as I thought they were.