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Monday, December 6, 2010

Where did my clothes go?

I'm surprised sometimes when poly people say they have a hard time finding other poly people. There are plenty of resources out there, particularly online. There are Yahoo! groups, Facebook groups, and on and on. Often that statement is met with a qualifying response something like "No, I mean meet other poly people to DATE."

Ohhhhhhhhhh, I get it now, sorry.

This leads me to my topic today. Posting nude pictures of yourself on Poly sites.

On one of the groups I'm in someone posted new nude pics the other day. Now, I'm not a prude by any means and enjoy the naked human form. Usually female in flavor but even the nude male form can be a pleasure to view sometimes. And I can even appreciate someone posting pics with partial nudity that are tastefully done or maybe reflect their lifestyle, such as a nicely done rope bondage scene. What I don't understand though is why someone would post nude, explicit, suggestive pictures to what is essentially a social group, not a dating site. I could understand if maybe it was a Swingers site or group as maybe they would want to use their pretty bits to try and attract partners. But polyamory is more about love and relationships than casual sex right? So why post those type of pics on that type of site?

I ask a few people about this and in the interest of fairness I want to provide some of their answers. The question was, "Why would someone post explicit, suggestive, nude pics of themselves on a social site or group?":
"They don't understand what poly is."
"They want attention."
"Because they are idiots?"
"Who knows."
"They just want attention."

I think another reason could be that some people confuse sex with love. They believe that when someone, pretty much anyone, wants them then they are loved. And in extreme cases, the more people who want them the more they are loved. Maybe it is that logic that then leads them to believe that attracting people who will want them, no matter how they do that, will bring them more love. And so they post nude pictures of themselves in inappropriate places and feel it is okay to do so because really all they are doing is trying to find "love".

Interestingly enough, this has the opposite effect on many people I know. When people post nude pictures on a poly site many of the folks I know are immediately repulsed by the person. Without knowing anything about them, people will dismiss them as being promiscuous or assuming they "aren't really poly". My own observation is that I rarely see the nude picture posters attending poly meetings, socials, or other social events leading me to believe that either posting the pictures is a game for them, or they are only looking for the "hookup" and not interested in being part of the community.

So what do you think about posting nude pictures on social sites? Have you ever done it? If so, why? I'm talking about social sites though not dating sites where, despite my own tastes, I can understand some nudes being posted.


  1. Interesting. I don't spend very much time on poly social sites, to be fair, but I have yet to come across this. (I tend to either hang out with poly friends in person or interact with them on non-poly related sites.)

    It isn't in my comfort zone but I'm curious to hear the reasoning behind this from anyone who has done it.

  2. Hmmm. Well, the social network I belong to isn't one for just polyamorists, but it isnt a dating site either. It's a community for those either in the BDSM lifestyle or those curious about BDSM in general. For the longest time, I only had casual (non-nude) photographs of myself.

    But later, as I began attending events, I did post nude photos. But they weren't explicit photos, or nude photos just for the sake of being nude or an attempt to attract attention. They were photos of things I had done that I was proud of, such as when I participated in a hook pull, or fire cupping, or posed on my Sir's motorcycle for Him. I just happened to be nude in them!

  3. k!nkyNurse,

    Thanks for speaking up :)

    I hope I didn't give the impression that I was complaining about all nudity online. I too belong to a few BDSM and "other" sites and actually enjoy seeing pictures of scenes like you describe. I can even understand some nudity or suggestive pictures on social sites. What I don't get though is the posting of nude pics somewhere like a Yahoo social group. I just don't understand why people do that.