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Monday, March 14, 2011

Interview with a Unicorn, not a Vampire.

Although they are a hard to find mythical creature, I was finally able to track down and corner a Unicorn and have a conversation. . .

Question: How would you describe your sexuality or orientation?
Answer: Bi-sexual with either a high preference for females or a low preference for men. I hate to say I have preference for either males or females because of the automatic assumptions people have that accompany those labels.

Question: What is the first thing you think of when you hear the term "Unicorn"?
Answer: A couple that sends out the bisexual woman (or pretend bisexual woman) to find a bisexual woman to join the couple as a threesome.

Question: What is the hardest thing about being a Unicorn?
Answer: I don't think I am a Unicorn. I'm not looking for a bisexual relationship or a M/F couple. Just because I have a male partner currently doesn't mean that is my preference when I go looking for other relationships. The hardest thing really is that I state my preferences up front but because of my bisexuality people will assume they can change my mind.

Question: Okay, then what is the hardest thing about being a bisexual woman with a preference for women?
Answer: Trying to find another bisexual woman with a preference for women rather than one who is looking to find a third for a threesome with her and her male partner.

Question: So, what are your limits when it comes to a relationship with another woman? Must she prefer women? Can she have a male partner?
Answer: She doesn't have to prefer women but she has to want to date a woman, and I don't care if she has other relationships, male or female. I'm a Unicorn looking for a Unicorn!! That's interesting, there is some humor in that.

And finally, a question from the Unicorn: I really wonder if other women in the same situation, or other bisexual women, run into the same problems. Are they somehow able to find other women to date without the expectation of helping create a threesome situation for a M/F couple? Specifically can they find relationships with other women, not just sexual encounters or FWB situations.

During our conversation it became somewhat obvious that being a lesbian is maybe a bit easier than being bi-sexual. Particularly being a bi-sexual female with a male partner. Being a lesbian makes is pretty clear you are a woman who likes women. Of course the stray super-ego male will come along convinced he can convert you to either bisexuality or heterosexuality by the power of his penis but they are easily dismissed. But when you are bisexual people often seem to assume it means you will have sex with anyone, and both sexes can consider trying to convert you. It also begins to exclude you from the somewhat exclusive lesbian community when it comes to finding dating partners. For a bisexual female interested in females, adding an existing male partner to the equation brings even more difficulty. Explaining to males that although you have a male partner you don't want another one, becomes a challenge to them. It also pretty much guarantees your exclusion from the lesbian community because, well, you aren't a lesbian. You are "playing" at it or just don't know what you want. Almost a purist type attitude.

So what say you? Have you had similar experiences as our Unicorn here has had? As a bisexual female, what challenges have you faced and how have you overcome them?


  1. My experiences have been pretty similar.

    I don't know how common this is, but new friends are often very confused by my identity. They understand being straight or gay/lesbian but have a hard time wrapping their minds around being somewhere in-between.

    What is really funny is when they lean over and whisper, "does your husband know?" as if somehow being bi makes you 1) have sex with every attractive person you meet and 2) congenitally incapable of honesty and healthy communication.

    It can also be pretty frustrating, though. Especially when these assumptions are made by people who've known you a long time and _should_ know what kind of person you are. :)

  2. The Preacher's Kid,

    "What is really funny is when they lean over and whisper, "does your husband know?" as if somehow being bi makes you 1) have sex with every attractive person you meet and 2) congenitally incapable of honesty and healthy communication."

    That is funny because I have had the same thing happen when people find out I'm poly!

    Thanks for the comment!