As usual, I try to read different blogs and websites. I subscribe to more stuff than I can realistically read most of the time and when I can catch up with things it can quickly feel like poly overload. Lately I was overjoyed to catch up with my reading a bit because it gave me a chance to see trends and presented me with a gift! I received the most wonderful magic bullet for relationships!!
I was able to read some more detailed postings on a few sites and noticed an uptick in a long-time trend. Reasons for seeking a Unicorn seemed to be changing. Explanations behind the trend were fairly simple, my spouse and I are bored. The magic bullet? A hot-bi-babe or Unicorn!
Yes, I know, some of you are thinking "Oh no, not the Unicorn thing again!" What can I tell you, when that's what folks are talking about, that's what I tend to talk about.
Anyway, I've been seeing a lot of posts lately where M/F couples are suddenly looking for a Unicorn. That isn't unusual in itself but what is unusual is that the often heard explanations are missing. Gone are the comments like "My wife has always wanted to sleep with another woman so we are looking for a third." or "My wife really wants a girlfriend so I'm helping her find one". Instead I have seen a lot more of these posts that say simply, "We want to spice up our relationship". And with so many posts like that out there, how can they be wrong? A Unicorn must truly be the magic bullet that can save a poly relationship!
We are bored, add a Unicorn!
We want to spice up our sex life and make it more exciting, add a Unicorn!
My spouse and I seem to be drifting apart. We thought about getting a dog or having a baby but decided to just add a Unicorn instead!
My wife and I are fighting a lot lately and neither of us is sexually satisfied so we decided to add a Unicorn!
Realizing there is a pattern here I consulted my Absolute Definitive Guide to Successful Polyamorous Relationships (bonus CD and poster included) and checked the extensive rules section. Nowhere did I find an equation like: Poly Relationship + any problem = Add Unicorn!
I was, and still am probably, a bit confused since I couldn’t find it in the rule book. Then I ran across a very interesting thread topic; "Anyone know of any successful dual-alpha female households?" I sat down to think long and hard about that one. Honestly, I don't know of many. I even asked one of my partners and they couldn't think of many.
Putting those two things together left me with the thought; Unicorn hunting isn't something new. And with so many people wanting that HBB to join them I should expect to see a significant number of relationships with a F/M/F design. Since I don't, is it a generally viable relationship model or only specifically viable, dependent upon personalities? And if it is viable dependent on personality, are the two females truly alpha-females at that point?
Regardless I think the initial logic I'm seeing lately is flawed. Adding a third person regardless of gender, to try and fix either problems or voids, to an existing relationship seems like a bad move. There is no magic bullet when it comes to relationships. In my opinion, the third person couples want to add often seems like the final bullet that kills their relationship rather than the magic bullet that saves it.
What say you?