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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Push and pull

Usually when I'm attracted to someone I pay attention to them. Maybe we hang out more often or I will call them regularly. During the initial phases we will probably flirt a bit, try to sit next to each other, and maybe touch more frequently. Essentially, we enjoy spending time together and start to show affection as our interest increases.

But every once in a while someone different comes along.

The someone I met recently did a lot of the things I already mentioned. The flirting was good, the touching was nice. But then something happened that threw me for a loop, I was pushed away. I noticed that almost every time something nice happened something a bit mean would happen soon after. I would be pinched, punched, pushed, or talked down to. Or even worse, the other person would get upset with me for reasons I couldn't completely understand.

The culmination of this strange behavior was when the person, after pretty much ignoring me during an evening with friends and shamelessly hanging all over the male in the other couple, seemed to get upset with me when I didn't want to get intimate with her. What can I say, I just wasn't feeling it at the time. Watching someone I'm interested in throw themselves at someone else isn't a turn-on for me.

That got me to thinking about intimacy in general and how we deal with potential relationships.

I think most of us become affectionate when we feel a click with someone and want to pursue more than a friendship. But again, there are those that instead use jealousy or maybe feel that any kind of physical contact is good, even if it is painful.

I know for myself that affection does a lot more to acquire my interest than pain or rudeness does. And I've noticed when I'm cranky I have the same effect on my partners. When I started writing this I thought I'd have some interesting insight here but I don't. Really, I'm just confused and I guess I'm looking to you wonderful readers to give me your thoughts.

Why do you think some people act this way, pushing someone away and expecting it to have the opposite effect? Are you excited and interested or turned-off when someone is pinching, pushing, and verbally absuing you? Does someone intentionally making you jealous by hanging over someone else in front of you make you want them more?


  1. Not at all. All of those things are big turn-offs for me.

    I wonder if some people act this way because they enjoy the feeling of being pursued?

  2. I have had experience like that, but since I'm not the jealous type she was wasting her time and got angry because it didn't work. She obviously didn't know me well enough.

    Sometimes I think it would be better if I was just a little bit the jealous type... but how do you become something you aren't.

  3. No it doesn't do anything for me either. Other than make me decide that I don't think this is worth it for me. It's confusing and I don't need confusing or drama of any kind that I can avoid.

  4. The Preacher's Kid,
    I thought about the pursuit being a turn-on for them. And that attention, any kind, may add excitement or fulfill a need in their eyes.
    But for me, that kind of behavior. . . not so much :)
    Thanks for the comment!

  5. David,
    That is exactly how it appeared to me!

    I can be jealous at times, but her actions seemed so obvious to me I was actually turned-off by them.

    Thanks for commenting!

  6. Lovingmorethanone,
    Good point about the drama. That crossed my mind as well and made me think, "If this is how it is going to start, where is there to go from here but into never-ending chaos".

    Good comments as always :)