Ask Polyamory Paradigm

Check out my new question and answer blog!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Guess what I want for Christmas?

Once in a while when the poly world is quiet, I'll write about other things. With only a single arrest, an attempted takeover, and some mild backstabbing over the past few weeks my poly community has been quiet and, this is one of those times.

So here I am, relaxing after a busy week and thinking about a couple of women I have been interested in dating. (Ok, so maybe this article is a little bit poly after all). It is actually a bit more complicated than that. I've entered a relationship with one of the women, the other one and I are still flirting. But, you get the picture.

These two ladies are almost as different as night and day as well. One tall, slender, and dark haired. The other short and curvy with red hair. One is well educated, the other a sci-fi gamer girl. One is older, one younger. Once experienced, and one not.

It was those differences that got me to thinking a bit. I wondered what it was that attracted me to two women who are so different from one another. Maybe they both have interests I enjoy. Maybe their differences compliment one another. Maybe I just like variety! Whatever the reason my mind drifted as it often does and I got to thinking about my physical interests in the two ladies, each of which has different *attributes* I find appealing. And no, I'm not just talking about physical attributes. Get your minds out of the gutter people!

That got me to thinking about why guys find different types of women appealing.

I think there are a lot of things that make a woman interesting to a man; lifestyle, beliefs, intelligence, stability, security, sanity, insanity, attitude, and yes sometimes simply physical attributes.

We have all heard the old saying (or a variation thereof); Men want a princess to take home to their Mom, and a slut in the bedroom. And it appears men often follow that saying as you see them court and win the princess only to be unsatisfied with their sex life later, or disappointed their princess isn't a slut in bed. Or on the other hand, they take the less than pristine girl home to mom only to have problems when yep, mom thinks she is a tramp. Men seem to want both in a woman which is somewhat rare.

Now, we can argue psychology all day long. We can debate genetics, society, women's rights or liberation, men becoming emasculated. We could even dissect how global warming could be causing some of our problems. But I have a different theory on the matter; Men don't want a woman who is pure. And despite popular opinion, they don't want a woman who is a slut.

What they desire is a pure woman who wants to be a slut.

That's right; they want a woman who has dreamt her whole life of the white picket fence life, saved herself for marriage, and will devote herself to her man. They also want her to be a closet nymphomaniac with dreams of doing the dirtiest, naughtiest things she has never done before in the bedroom. In line with the quote above, they want a woman they can take home to mom who won't drop a 4-letter bomb, have upsetting opinions of her own, or challenge family beliefs. They then want to take her home and have her wearing 4-inch heels and a garter 30 seconds through the door, prone on the bed with a come hither look while in a deep sexy voice whispering "You can do whatever you want to me". The key here is they want to be the one to do those things to (or with) her. They don't want to ever hear how she learned this from Bob and that from Bill. In other words, she can be a dirty, shameless slut with them but not with anyone else.

I think this because the guys who do get a princess aren't often happy with her. Yes she can meet mom, but she can't imagine new ways to screw 3 times a week. On the other hand, the woman who is already experienced and in touch with her kinky side must have learned it from somewhere and the poop will definitely hit the propeller if mom finds out! Besides, if she knows more than her guy, and is in touch with her sexual desires, maybe her guy won't be enough for her or she will go get her insatiable needs met behind his back.

Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying there are absolutes nor am I trying to park women into two categories. Nor am I saying all men fit into two simple categories either. My point is simply that the old saying may not quite be right. Men want a princess who wants to be a slut rather than a princess who is a closet slut. That might even be more rare. (By the way, I use the term *slut* with the utmost respect in this case).

What are your thoughts on this one? Ladies, do you see it this way or do you think I'm off the reservation again? And what about the guys . . . Is it time to update the old saying or was it fine the way it was?